Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
