i wish peter jackson would direct porn
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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