They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
