we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
