Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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