I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
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I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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