im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
