I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
