I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
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He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
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i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We don't watch enough power rangers
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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