I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
