operation harelip BJ is a go
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
