she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize