I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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