i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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