somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
