she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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