Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
