my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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