oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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