guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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