this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
