i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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