Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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