Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
