If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
