Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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