Your dad touched me again.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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