Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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