Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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