Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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