my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
