if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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