Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
