I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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