Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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