kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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