From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
