he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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