Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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