NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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