We won't sleep together?
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
