Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
