Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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