Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
