If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
