I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
