did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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