My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
