i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
