My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
