I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
