Screwed.edu
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
