she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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