There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
