My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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