Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
