What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
