hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
