This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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