He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
