Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My life is pants optional.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
