Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
why is half of my head shaved?
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