Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
