i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
