Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
