yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
