I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize