He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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