oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
try to milk me bitch
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
