I need help removing her.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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