watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
